Many guys who get into self-development struggle with loneliness. They can barely relate to anyone, and desire to make friends who are on self-improvement too.
I know how it feels. Even when you’re surrounded by hundreds of faces, you still feel lonely. Nobody understands you, and nobody relates to your issues.
No matter if you are still in school or have a job, self-improvement is an isolating experience. I relate to this struggle, and that’s why I decided to help you cope with loneliness.
Don’t worry, this article won’t offer the typical “iMpRovE yOur SoCial sKilLs” and “gO pArTyIng mOre” advice you see all around the Internet. All these other posts offer generic and shallow advice for normal people that doesn’t address the core issues.
In this article, I will tell you why you struggle with making friends and offer solutions that are specific to your situation. Let’s begin.
Why You Struggle With Making Friends in Self-Improvement
There are various reasons why you find it hard to make friends. Most of them revolve around the fact that you are simply incompatible with others.
1: You Are “Weird”
Yes, you’ve read it right. If you’re on self-improvement, you’re a weirdo. You don’t spend time on social media, you don’t consume content, you don’t follow trends, and instead of going out on weekends, you sit at home, working on some weird thing.
How do normal people live their lives? They go to school, then to college, then get a job, then get a partner that doesn’t like them, and get kids that don’t respect them. Then die.
To soothe the pain of such meaningless existence, they frequently indulge in hedonistic pleasures. Video games, alcohol, porn, casual sex, partying, socializing. All these things, although they bring pleasure and satisfy animalistic desires, make their lives worse in the long run.
You and I see this, and make sure we don’t live the same lifestyle that 90% of people have. From other people’s perspective, though, they see you as entirely different.
What is the point of becoming friends with a guy who doesn’t have TikTok or Instagram, and who doesn’t even know what some celebrities recently did? In their eyes, there is no point. And that is why you feel isolated from the majority.
2: Your Interests are Vastly Different From the Majority
As a man of self-improvement, you focus on good habits and delaying gratification. You know what your purpose in life is, or are actively working to find what suits you best.
You read, meditate, lift weights, work deeply on important projects, and practice martial arts. By doing these things daily, you become a better version of yourself and achieve goal after goal.
However, most people don’t have the same ambition as you. They are afraid of feeling discomfort and working beyond the bare minimum. Their focus is on relationships with others and “getting the most out of life”, while never thinking about how it will look ten years later.
Your values differ greatly from the values of normal people. They see social connection and friendship as the biggest source of happiness, while you focus more on achievement and excellence. Such a difference between values creates the distance and isolation you experience.
3: Your Progress Intimidates People
Finally, the last biggest reason you struggle with making friends is that people are intimidated by you. They see how much progress you make, and how you move forward in life, while they stay the same.
It challenges their beliefs about how they should live, and makes them feel inferior to you. Of course, some people are mature enough to respect you and find inspiration from your journey.
But most people aren’t mature. Instead of feeling motivated to get better too, they try to create excuses for why they aren’t on your level. They convince themselves that you are miserable, that you take life too seriously, and that they are the ones who figured it all out.
This coping mechanism makes them dislike and isolate you from the crowd. By improving yourself, you indirectly hurt people’s egos and put them in a defensive position.
It’s no wonder you often can’t make friends with most normal people: you’re too different from them, and they see you as a threat to their self-worth and beliefs.
Now that we know the reasons you struggle to make friends in self-improvement, it’s time to figure out how to attract high-quality friends and build your own tribe.
How to Make Friends in Self-Improvement
Let me be clear from the start. If you’re in the beginning stage of self-development, you will struggle with relationships a lot. That’s because you’re too different from normal people, and aren’t yet good enough to attract high-quality people who share the same values.
No matter where you are, though, you can still use some strategies that will help you cope with loneliness and eventually build a tribe of men who resonate with you.
1: Don’t Conform Just to Fit In
First and foremost, do not conform and go back to normal. Guys who start often make this mistake and regret it later. They find the idea of being alone too scary and uncomfortable to live with, and quit their pursuits of improvement altogether.
Listen. Your social circle greatly influences who you become. If you go back to a “normal” life and be like everyone else, you will ultimately become like everyone else: dissatisfied, anxious, stressed, and, ironically, lonely.
I’m speaking like this because facts speak for themselves. 10 years later, you will want to give up on life, and 20 years later, you will want to cease existing.
If you, however, stay on the path of development and stay true to your Mission, countless rewards will await you. You will have money, freedom, fulfillment, health, and make friends who also pursue self-development.
You can either suffer now or suffer later. Know that the pain of discipline hurts much less than the pain of regret. Refuse to conform, resist the system, and no matter what, keep going forward.
2: Turn Suffering Into Motivation to Make Friends in Self-Improvement
You’re suffering a lot right now. Every single day feels like torture that gets tougher and tougher to endure. Even though this suffering can seem exhausting, it is actually good for you.
You likely don’t realize this, but the suffering you’re experiencing is a source of power. Society and blogs for average people will tell you that your loneliness is deadly and that you should go back to being normal.
But I will tell you that you can endure much more than you think. If you channel the negative energy into work, you will make progress faster and regulate your emotions better.
Do not get stuck in thinking about the past. Instead, take a few deep breaths, remind yourself that you’re competent and capable, and get to work.
Work out, read actively, or create something meaningful. Your work will eventually pay off, and your future friends will respect you for turning adversity into strength.
Recommended article: 8 Ways to Overcome Anger as a Man
3: Join an Online Community to Make Friends in Self-Improvement
As of now, you likely don’t yet have possibility to change your environment and move somewhere else. This is where the Internet comes in to help.
There are thousands of self-development Discord servers where you can connect with fellow masculine men and discuss topics you like.
Of course, the digital world can’t fully replace human connection, and you certainly shouldn’t spend all day talking to strangers online. But remember that this is a temporary solution meant to help you cope with the current situation.
Online communities can not only help you connect with supportive men, but learn and improve what you do. It is easier than ever to connect with other entrepreneurs and thinkers, ask them for advice, and exchange valuable information.
Some of them may even become your actual friends in the future, and become part of the brotherhood you’ll create. Do not neglect this opportunity, keep spending time productively, and stay on the path of masculinity.
4: Remember to Be Grateful to Make Friends in Self-Improvement
It is easy to fall into the trap of delayed happiness while pursuing goals. Ambitious people often become too future-centered and forget to enjoy life now.
Do NOT misunderstand it: I’m not saying you should quit pursuing goals, or become a degenerate that jacks off and plays video games all day long.
What I am saying is that, to avoid getting mentally ill, you need to remember what you have. If you still haven’t built the habit of daily gratitude journaling, do it now.
Gratitude makes you focused on the Present and brings you happiness, as it makes you acknowledge the goods you already have. It reduces feelings of lack and neediness, allowing you to cope with challenges more easily.
Aside from this, consistently feeling grateful increases your life satisfaction, which significantly decreases negative thoughts and elevates your mood, both in the short and in the long run.
Now that we know how to cope with the challenges of being lonely, it’s time to learn how to directly make friends in self-improvement.
Related article: How to Enjoy Life as an Introvert
5: Visit Quality Places to Meet Quality People
If you are good enough to impress masculine men, or simply wish to have a face-to-face conversation with a fellow nonconformist, you can’t visit “normal” places.
“Normal” places are where average people often gather: nightclubs, brothels, cinemas, gaming clubs, and pop-culture events. Of course, you can go there every once in a while to enjoy the atmosphere, but to make real friends, you need to visit places where quality people go.
Mature and wise people frequently go to libraries, museums, and art galleries, where they learn more about the world and satisfy spiritual and intellectual needs.
Visit these locations not just for the sake of making friends, but for enjoying life without overindulging in pleasure.
Acquire new knowledge, deepen your understanding of difficult concepts, and learn something new every day. Your future tribe will respect you for this.
Recommended article: How to Get Outside More (Even When You Don’t Want to)
6: Change Your Environment
Finally, the last thing you can do to make friends in self-improvement is change your environment. Save enough money, get a stable income source, and move from your hometown.
Cut ties with friends and acquaintances who put you down and don’t strive towards any goals, for they will only hold you back. Move to a place where you’ll have better conditions for work, pursuing goals, and meeting masculine men.
Aside from the benefit of networking opportunities, changing the environment will bring you peace of mind, new experiences, and help you see life through a different perspective.
If you live near a Muay Thai gym, you will be more likely to get good at Muay Thai. If you become friends with wealthy people, you will likely become wealthy too.
Connect with wise and mature people, and regularly do productive activities together, like going to the gym or visiting a library. If you wish to, expand your circle and go on adventures with your brothers.
Work together, go through the bullshit together, and grow together. That’s how you build a tribe and make quality friends in self-improvement.
Recommended article: Slow Living Lifestyle: How to Do Less and Live More
Make Friends and Thrive
Many guys who start self-improvement face this common issue: loneliness. They are too different, too “weird”, too intimidating to connect with normal people. And that’s okay.
You don’t need to be friends with normal people. You can make quality friends and build your own tribe, but it will require time, consistency, and hard work.
To cope with your current problem and keep making progress, use these strategies:
- Don’t conform or settle for a normal life
- Turn your suffering into motivation
- Join an online self-improvement community
- Express gratitude daily to maintain well-being
- Visit quality places like libraries
- Change your environment and move somewhere else
If you stay strong, don’t give up, keep working hard, and implement my advice, you will eventually get out of the rut. You will build your tribe and set yourself up for success.
Once you overcome this challenge, life will become easy, and you will be balling. I believe in you, brother. Stay hard.
If you liked this article and found it useful, share your thoughts with me in the comments below, and spread the message. See you next time.